"The Going"
Feet with dust
Caked in cracks
Of calloused heels
Layers of skin memories
Tell of time
Spent walking, going
And coming
But mostly going
Away, and Memories peel off toes
Though blistered and scarred
Drawn forward, follow compass
Guided by magnetic field
Of unknown
Having learned the answer
Is always out there
Beyond bend
Around corner
Past horizon
Which will only be reached
By a long sequence
Of first steps
The next right one, not clear
Til the murkey water from the prior
Is settled, with patience
And listening
And stillness
And breathing deep with the waves.
Each step
Just as bold as the last
Just as scary
Just as essential
In the process of becoming.
But the more these calloused feet
Take step after step after step
The more it is clear
That reaching the horizon is not
The point
For the horizon is a fleeting myth
Made up by ones who claim
There is an end to be reached
In this life
You will not be satisfied
Til you get there
Can you not see
That the thrill of horizon reached
Is as fleeting as the clouds in the sky above it?
It melts away within moments
Revealing yet another horizon
Looming with temptation in the distance
Just out of reach
And you must now journey to it, you say,
For no, it is this horizon, you are sure
That will bring fulfilment,
And you embark, yet again,
On your never-ending pursuit
Of happiness.
But happiness is not found in horizons.
Happiness is found in the making
Of callouses on feet
Formed only by the step that can be taken
Now
In this moment
For everything you hope for in the horizon
Is found in the space of the stepping.
The point of all this walking
Is not the arriving
It is not the horizon.
It is the learning
It is the listening
It is the being
It is the becoming
It is the growing
And it is the going.
Cheers to the Journey, and may our Spirit always reside in a state of wonder.
I’ve had a few different meaningful conversations about depression this week with humans I love, and then On Being with Krista Tippett released some amazing interview archives on the topic of depression, which I devoured. My reflection from both of those things led to me writing some of my own language about what it feels like for me to experience depression in different seasons of my life. Depression, like many aspects of the human experience can only be pointed to with words. Words are never enough, but they’re at least a step toward naming what cannot fully be names, and that, I believe, is enough.
I wrote this poem on a particularly hard day of managing Seasonal Affective Disorder a few weeks ago. It is month 3 of 5 of the coldest and darkest months in the mountains, and I’m feeling it.
In case you didn’t read my last post, I spoke about a morning meditation that I have incorporated into my practice which has made a world of difference for me during this pandemic. It grounds me when I don’t know what to do with all of the endless possibilities and outcomes of what reality is now. It orients me toward hope when news headlines fill me with despair. It opens me up so that I have more room inside of myself to welcome and embrace this new and most unexpected reality that we find ourselves in. It reminds me to let go of yesterday, and to not worry so much about tomorrow, for today is all we have.
I wanted to make a post more explicitly about the meditation and provide some extra pandemic-specific reflections you can incorporate into each section as you read, meditate, contemplate, or pray through it.
In the midst of the most uncertain and confusing and challenging and chaotic time many of us around the entire world have ever experienced, I find myself reminded over and over again of the importance of ritual, of ceremony, of routines that we perform intentionally in order to name our emotions and orient ourselves around the values that keep us grounded in the midst of this roller coaster of emotion we didn’t ask to be on but are suddenly strapped into.
I’ve had a few different meaningful conversations about depression this week with humans I love, and then On Being with Krista Tippett released some amazing interview archives on the topic of depression, which I devoured. My reflection from both of those things led to me writing some of my own language about what it feels like for me to experience depression in different seasons of my life. Depression, like many aspects of the human experience can only be pointed to with words. Words are never enough, but they’re at least a step toward naming what cannot fully be names, and that, I believe, is enough.
I wrote this poem on a particularly hard day of managing Seasonal Affective Disorder a few weeks ago. It is month 3 of 5 of the coldest and darkest months in the mountains, and I’m feeling it.
It has taken me 9 days to finally find my grief...