Originally published November 2016.

Passion is supposed to drive us to action, right?

It is supposed to be the fuel to the fire, the spark for change, the voice that calls us forth into bringing our dreams into reality…

But at some point throughout the past couple months, I let pessimism and apathy cause my passions to paralyze me. Their presence suffocated me more than giving me life, starved me more than filling me up, for I let the fact that I could not see how my tiny voice or my small actions toward a different life could make even the slightest dent in our world that only seems to get more and more dark.

My optimism for a better world was no where to be found, and my inspiration to write was taken with it. Nihilism crept its way back into my consciousness as I began to stop believing that any effort I make to shine light into the darkness mattered, regardless of how small or insignificant it may seem in the grand scheme of the world’s problems.

 

Why is it that

on some days or in some seasons our passions can have so much power that they lead us to making drastic changes and decisions in our life, wearing them on our sleeve so that everyone can see them and holding them in our hands so that everyone can feel them as much as we do,

And then in other seasons they have so much power that they overwhelm us to the point where we cannot move or take action, where we see the life we want to make but do not know how to move our foot even a step toward that direction, for there are a thousand options of things we think we must do or achieve before we can reach the end of the trail, before we arrive at that thing which is the root of all of our inspiration, the thing that drives us forward.

As my inspiration waned, my desire to actually live out what I believe dissolved as well. I had no motivation to do anything I cared about. I found myself making excuses of why I shouldn’t eat or exercise in the ways that I advocate to others, I did not prioritize my writing, I found other insignificant ways to fill my time instead of doing the work I know I was made to do in this world.

Upon realizing this, I decided to take time away from the pressure of production. For the past few months, I have been in a season of contemplation, of silence, a season of sitting in the gray spaces in between where there is no answer, where there is nothing to say, where all you can do is embrace the space in-between without anxiety or fear of the fact that you do not know, that the answer can only be found somewhere in an ambiguous mixture of opinion, belief, and construct…

I think that we need seasons of silence so that our voice can be re-calibrated against the constant hum of people crying out so that we can hear our own voice amongst the crowd again. Sometimes we lose our voice for a while because we yell for so long that we tire ourselves out, but what if we can make even more of an impact by intentionally letting the silence linger? For I think that it is in paying attention in silence where you learn the simple and subtle lessons that are sometimes even more significant than the bigger problems and questions that think you must answer first.

________

This past week,

I was paying attention to the kids I work with, and as I observed them at the dinner table, I noticed that they believe that all silence must be penetrated with noise. They always have something to say, even if it has absolutely nothing to do with anything that has recently been said.

“Just because there is a moment of silence does not mean that it is your job to fill it.” I felt like I said this sentence on repeat all week.

It is as if they are all predators stalking the conversation, waiting for their prey, a moment of silence on which to pounce and claim, for claiming the silence as their own provides a winning opportunity to speak, for the spotlight to be on them.

I sat back and watched them, dueling for my attention, fighting over the silence before them, a war where the loudest, most confident voice wins. I sat back and watched the more timid kids be dominated by their more extroverted peers, and I watched them slouch in their seats, defeated because their insight and wisdom would not be heard yet again.

My first instinct was to just brush my thoughts aside, for they are just ignorant children…they don’t know what they are doing…

But does this ignorance end during the transition from adolescence to adulthood?

Unfortunately, I think not.

So often wisdom and enlightenment are missed because we don’t let silence linger long enough for their timid voices to speak up. We scare them away, back to hiding in their shells. We fill the silence with our egos begging for attention and affirmation, our insecurities hiding behind insults and jokes aimed at those different from us, our fears and doubts disguised as a shallow, confident answer—that our opinion is the only right and truthful one.

How will we ever see others eye to eye if we never stop talking, if we always speak even when we have nothing to say, if we enter into every conversation and interaction as nothing more than a predator, stalking the conversation, waiting for a moment of silence on which to pounce, of which to claim ownership so that we can throw our egos out into the open space, so the spotlight will be on us and our dominance and correctness again?

How will we ever hear what others are actually trying to say when we enter into conversation with our ears already clogged with a filter of our own self-righteousness, where the hole into our ear drum is only large enough for the few sound waves which directly resonate with where we stand and affirm what we already believe, where everything that does not match up with our experience gets deflected by our filters to the point where it cannot even be processed?

How will our knowledge and understanding ever expand when we enter into conversation thinking that we know everything about the situation already, that we have heard every argument in the book and still stand firm in what we think because our experiences of the situation is the only one that matters to us?

How will we ever grow in love when we deny the suffering of our brothers and sisters because we claim that they brought it upon themselves and the fault always lies in their court, and never on our own?

How will we ever bring peace into difficult circumstances when we only enter into conversation with half-hearted apologies and shallow wishes of consolation, when we only recite the by-the-book responses that we learn from a society that has forgotten how to feel empathy and which no longer knows how to meet others in their pain?

How will we ever start a movement toward progress when the ideas of progress have been tainted by our own malice and greed, disguised by the lie of economic progress, where robbing people groups of their homeland in order to extract natural resources that only perpetuate the growing cycle of destruction of fragile ecosystems is viewed as moving civilization forward, and protecting the environment and making actions toward preserving its natural habitats is viewed as regression?

How will we ever be the change we wish to see in the world when we always push the calling onto someone else? Someone wiser or older or with more experience or more followers or a better look or with more confidence? Because “oh little old me could never do anything significant…Don’t you hear all of the people yelling out there? How could my tiny mouse voice ever be heard? Why would anyone ever listen to me?…”

How will we make a difference at all when we have forgotten how to take responsibility,

Responsibility for the actions of our own,

The actions of our ethnic group,

The actions of our country,

The actions of our economic class,

The actions of our religions…

“Oh, them? I’m not a part of that… I would never be as extreme as them…”

Are you sure?

Even one racist or sexist or discriminatory or superior or entitled thought puts responsibility on you to humble yourself and get off your high horse and attempt to have a conversation eye to eye with those you have beaten into the ground, those you do not understand, with those who look different from you, who act differently than you, who believe differently than you, where you willingly enter into conversation having made the decision not to pounce on moments of silence in order to project your doubts and fears as anger and hatred on the faces of others, where you humbly choose to let the silence linger so that your narrow ears can be opened to hear the timid voices of those who are speak the truth that has been put on their hearts to proclaim.

Take responsibility.

As a human being on this planet, taking part in this experience we all have in common called consciousness, take responsibility in moving toward a better world. Even if your first step is simply acknowledging that others are different from you, or that there might be another side of the story than your own, or that you maybe should not hate that person so much just because of which side they have chosen, or that you should try to serve someone other than yourself for once.

Learn to speak only when you have something to say so that we can begin to lower the volume of the voices spewing nothing but hate in order to increase the chance that those who have been too intimidated or scared or timid to speak up might finally voice the truth that this corrupted system, that this world needs to hear.

To all of the scared, timid, mousy voices out there who have yet to speak up for what they believe in,

I know that there are a lot of giant, scary elephants stomping around in this world who talk a big game and have egos just as big as their giant bodies, and these elephants are even more frightening when they pack together and stampede through the streets of our communities, causing a ruckus of argument and disagreement everywhere they go.

However, the convenient thing about elephants is that they are terrified of mice, and they will lose their cool and run away the second that a mouse makes its presence.

So to all of you mice out there, come out of your holes, and speak up, even if your voice comes out quiet and high and squeaky. We need you.

Speak when you need to speak.

Be silent when you don’t.

Feel deeply.

Love unconditionally.

And please, my friends,

Do not be paralyzed by passion.

____________________________

Cheers to the Journey, and may your Spirit always reside in a state of wonder.